Do you have any idea how to do it?

It's me. Again, for the third post of this day. Now I'm desperating, having no idea for debating with my father. And now, let the story begin..

Well as you know, I will participate in inauguration of subsi member at the end of next week. I asked my father about his permission. And guess what? He didn't give it! He explained it as long as he was delivering speech. So bored. As long as I remember, he said that teenagers were just looking for friendship, and he also said that I'm busy. WHAT THE **** HE SAID LIKE THAT? He doesn't know how busy mesis kids are, and he blamed that I'm too busy. Okay. How could he blamed me if he didn't know any single thing about subsi thingy? Well, I'm not too close like anyone who consult with their parents about subsi that he/she gonna choose. I can say that I'm not their daughter. I can harshly said that I will cry a lot on my maid's cementery than my parents'. They just provide me with everything I need except one, happiness. I rarely felt truly very very happy (except when I was a kid) when I spent my time with them. If I can choose, I prefer to live as a poor but happy than live well but my soul was empty. Okay, back to the topic. I will post about this later, I promise.

Well, I hope that he didn't talk that long. He told me about my grandfather's life, how can he get so many friends.. And he said that 50 % from people who know us will like us, and rest of it will hate us. For me, that's wrong. I'm sure that only 10 % who really accept the way we are, and the rest aren't (maybe it's only happen to me). I believe that all factors that make my grandfather getting that many friends is because of the way he talk, and how his environment created him to be like that. Well he didn't know how shame I am when I can't talk in front of the class, and how I can't talk well. I'm a good listener, and I just know that it's not good for me. That's why I want to join subsi inauguration.

I don't care about how many friends that I have, but I really care about how can I speak boldly. I hope he knows that I'm not the same kid as I was.. I'm just a clown who never felt the happiness itself..